The Right Approach to Choosing a Life Partner – The Beginning

How can we make it so that life partners truly become two halves of a single whole, so that living together is a joy for them rather than a burden?

The same three levels apply here – husband, wife, and a higher authority – the law of Nature, which we are obligated to obey. The whole problem of humanity lies in its failure to understand that above us there is Nature, its program and its governance. That is why, if we intend to build a connection between two people, it does not work out, because both of them are egoists. And a connection between them is possible only if they submit to a common third force. They are under it in any case. If they submit to it, they are fortunate; if not, they are unhappy.

Is egoism our essence by nature?

Yes! And that is why a higher force is necessary, one capable of uniting them. This applies to all people: we belong to a single system and are connected to one another, yet in our egoism we resist this connection. Throughout the whole history of humanity, as long as egoism had not reached its full development, we did not experience our complete interconnection. But as soon as it reached its full development, its "ceiling," we began to feel crises in all our activity. Because the global connection among us began to manifest, and we do not correspond to it. We can attain this connection only if we strive toward it – then it will change us, and we will unite into a single system.

Does this apply to spouses as well?

This applies to any connection between people: friends, husband and wife, girlfriends, and so on. On the still, vegetative, and animate degrees, joining together happens naturally, but between people – because of their egoism, the mutually repelling force – conscious efforts on the part of the people themselves are required. And their striving to resemble Nature awakens the force of growth, as in children, and people attain a connection among themselves and a resemblance to Nature.

But how can we draw the common force of Nature toward the connection between a husband and wife?

Two egoists must be shown the gain they will receive from correctly joining together. In their joining, the integral, global system of Nature is revealed to people – the sensation of a perfect and eternal reality, like Nature itself, the possibility of rising above the problems of this world and attaining happiness in the family.

But how is this done? What is required of them?

What is required of them is to understand this global system in which we exist today, at least a little. A person must know this, otherwise crises with their suffering will bring us all the same to the necessity of learning a new world. After all, for 20 years we teach a child to understand what kind of world he was born into and how to find his way in it. And here we are speaking of a new system of Nature. Without this knowledge, we will not survive…

But isn't it important whom I choose as my spouse?

No, they can be people from opposite ends of the world. If they want to attain peace in the family, then today this is possible only on the condition that they draw the integral force of Nature, which binds all of reality into a single system. For humanity is now experiencing a global crisis, because the system of complete interconnection is manifesting, and we do not know how to exist within it.

In the modern world, a person wants to find the very best, most suitable, most beautiful partner.

And he does not succeed! First of all, because we receive our standard from the media and television. I look for a wife according to what I see in the movies! And she does the same!

As a rule, people today look for beautiful appearance and wealth: maximum attractiveness and maximum convenience. How can we explain to young people that this is an incorrect method of decision-making?

Very simply: is a person capable of selling himself? For if I marry a woman because she is rich and I am poor, then in essence I am going into slavery: she pays, and I sell myself. The same is true of beauty. Of course, a person should be pleasant, but beauty?! What happens after childbirth, 10-15 years after the wedding?

Nothing remains of the former beauty. But the motivation to be together must last a lifetime: I know that with this partner, whom I evaluate neither by outward appearance nor by wallet, we connect internally in such a way that we receive a gain that exists with no one else in the world. Then this connection will endure. With today's egoism it cannot work otherwise – people simply run from one partner to another.

How can one know this at the age of 16-17?

There is no need to search for anyone. If a girl and a boy are brought up to find a partner suitable for attaining the inner goal of life, if they both know that they intend to join together in accordance with this, then there are no problems at all. There must simply be no physical repulsion, and the attraction between them must arise out of their common goal.

So physical compatibility is important after all?

Animals search by smell – it is known that most of the cells of our brain are devoted to recognizing smells. That is why we speak of bodily correspondence. The absence of mutual repulsion is a sufficient condition for marriage.

On the external level?

Yes. If they can hold hands, embrace, if they feel that there is no bodily aversion, then that is enough. Everything else pertains to internal correspondence: whether they have a goal in life for the sake of which they maintain their connection.

But internal correspondence is also traits of character, aspirations…

No. To the internal part belongs only that which we attain together, that which is impossible to attain separately. We depend on one another, and through mutual correspondence we draw the global force so that it may connect us. We evoke its action upon ourselves only on the condition that we demand it together.

People often look for their opposite. Such a connection seems interesting and exciting, but it very quickly falls apart.

Of course, it is better to find a partner within one's own circle. It is more convenient, there is less friction, but that is not the main thing – provided that the two people want to reveal a higher coexistence between them.

How can an ordinary person understand this?

Children will understand this even better than adults. They will sense what they stand to gain: to always be a pair in a spiritual laboratory! She does not need to play the fashion model, nor he the superman. They will play at revealing the system of connection among all people, at sensing within this connection the governing force of the world. This too is a kind of game: I want to reveal the governing force, and therefore I look upon my wife as help that was given to me specifically for this purpose. Therefore I relate to her in a special way, through correcting myself, for between us is the Creator. And then I see that she corresponds to me completely.