Nursing and the First Connection

What is the essence of the connection between parents and a child?

It is the opportunity to give the child the values of life that will push him toward development in knowledge, understanding, and the sensation that there is something higher than our life — a life beyond the animate body, in connection with others, in a shared feeling of understanding, mutual concession, commonality, and love. In that case, life is felt as boundless. Such an upbringing will open the child's eyes to what is hidden from adults. He hears about freedom of choice, about the prospects and goals of historical social development; he understands and links the states of humanity with his own states in the past and the present. He looks at life intelligently and from above.

The question is to what extent, and at what age, he understands this.

In truth, it does not matter, because in any case it leaves an imprint in him. Perhaps he does not understand, but he gains the impression that the world is big and that everything is open. He feels that he is a part of it, that his fate is included in the fate of the world. He hears about the problems of ecology and economics, about the world crisis, about the fact that development began many thousands of years ago and that now everything must change.

That is a very broad worldview.

Very broad. As a result, he looks differently at other phenomena: he is drawn to games and entertainment, like any child, but the impression of expanded boundaries does not let him become narrow.

But doesn't this frighten a small child? In the first years of life we try to shield the child from irritants he cannot cope with.

From which ones, exactly, for example?

For example, violence. It is important that he not see such examples. As a rule, we give the child knowledge about the world gradually, according to his ability to cope with it. We do not reveal everything to him at once. And you are speaking of something very broad.

We see in practice that in the consistent teaching of a child there are no limitations. The child perceives and absorbs information about the world naturally.

You advise continuing nursing even until the age of two. All psychological methods agree that nursing is natural, because it establishes a connection between mother and child. Today it is being discovered that this is precisely the distance the child perceives, the voice and smell he remembers. But at one year or a year and a half the child physically moves away from the mother — he already walks, runs, grabs. What, then, does breastfeeding give him?

That is precisely when he must be connected to the mother, for he may begin to move away.

True, that is exactly such a stage.

And the necessity and realization of a constant connection then unite them for their whole life. Two years is not simply calendar time, but 24 months during which great changes take place in the child. This period is very important, and stopping nursing before 24 months causes undesirable consequences in the future.

But even doctors recommend stopping breastfeeding, because it interferes with the development of teeth. I am not sure this is correct, but there is such an objection. Nature demands that the child move away from the mother, and we supposedly forcibly return him to her? In the modern world we demand independence from a child quite early. Yet according to what you are saying, perhaps he really does need to maintain a close connection with the mother until the age of two.

Whatever the modern world may be, it does not change Nature. We have invented various means of communication and filled the world with all sorts of devices, but we ourselves have remained the same.

You mean our essence?

Yes. This especially concerns our moral development from egoism to altruism. I think the child needs this period from birth to the age of two in order to become strengthened in his basic sensations. If he is moved away from the mother, he suffers greatly. Separation from the mother is contraindicated for him, for until the age of two the child does not understand that other children exist.

But nowadays a child is put in a nursery at three months. Many families have no other choice.

It is hard to watch what is happening now, how the cruel world forces us to abandon our children. This is wrong: a child must not be torn away from the mother, at least until the age of two.

What does he receive during this period?

He receives from the mother what he did not fully receive in his development in the womb. It is laid down by Nature that nursing is a direct continuation of pregnancy. At the same time, following the intrauterine connection, he now receives from outside — but from the mother, through the mother — a great deal of external information, as well as her smells, sounds, and sensations. Between them there exists such an inner communication. It naturally leaves no room for anyone other than the mother. And only after the age of two does the child gain the readiness to receive information and connection with outside people. Before that, he perceives everything only through the mother.

And not earlier? That is, it must be exactly 24 months?

Yes. He has only come out, but he is connected to the mother as if he were still inside her.

What, then, should a mother do who cannot nurse? Can this deficiency be made up for with the help of a wet nurse?

Yes, but he needs to communicate with the mother.

But what is to be done in the modern world, when there are no wet nurses, but there is special baby food?

I am sure that this causes negative consequences that we have not yet revealed. It undoubtedly harms the child. Perhaps it is the cause of so many problems appearing in the latest generations. There is no substitute for the mother and her milk — as a last resort, the milk of a wet nurse.

Let us sum up. We said that integral upbringing leaves in the child a special impression with which he then goes through life, using his attitude toward the world as an immunity against a wrong attitude toward everything around him. He is not torn away from life; on the contrary, he is included in it as an acting part, and there is a certain "inner core" in him that correctly directs him through life. Even if he falls, he quickly rises, because he knows the direction of movement. In addition, integral upbringing gives the child a broad worldview, since from an early age it opens the world to him. This upbringing is natural, like Nature, and therefore is perceived by the child easily and simply. We also spoke about the importance of nursing during the first two years, when the child, thanks to his direct connection with the mother, receives from her what he did not receive in the womb. Besides physical fulfillment, he receives a strong connection with the mother, which the modern world so lacks.