Facebook

In previous talks we spoke a great deal about teenagers' need to form their own individuality. One of the tasks facing a teenager is to understand who he is, to test himself, and to find his own identity. At the same time, today we observe among teenagers a tendency toward indifference that develops into genuine narcissism: Me, Me, and once again Me. A very interesting study was published on the Internet, involving fourteen thousand American college students. The study showed that over the past thirty years the capacity for empathy has steadily declined. A person is more and more absorbed in himself. The question is: how do we find an approach to today's teenagers? What are their needs? What kind of education do they need?

We are in an intermediate state, between historical degrees. Over millions of years, Nature developed from still matter through the vegetative and animate up to the "human" degree. The development of the human being on Earth, which has lasted hundreds of thousands of years, is egoistic and one-directional: egoism grows and constantly pushes us forward. If I feel that it is worthwhile for me to be connected with the environment, to act as a component of human society, then I do so. According to this need, people build human community: various organizations that provide pensions, insurance, healthcare, all sorts of enterprises, associations, and clubs. But in the end, our egoism has grown to such a degree that we are no longer able to interact within such organizations. If I can extract some benefit from them for myself, I take part in them, and if not, then I have no need for them.

A byproduct of this process is my indifference toward another person?

Yes, he does not concern me. But we must understand that nothing in Nature happens by chance, without necessity. Therefore, today, feeling indifference toward another person, we begin to reflect: how does this affect me, where does it lead? In this way I come to the recognition of evil: if another person does not concern me, then society collapses. People grow distant from one another; the organizations and connections built earlier no longer work. We do not want to be one society, one country, to belong to some particular people or state. A person wanders about the world and chooses a place where it is more comfortable for him. Look at the level of migration in the world! People do not feel that they belong to anything at all. In any part of the world there is roughly the same language, the same food, approximately the same way of life, education, and culture. All of this is equally accessible, and when I happen to travel around the world, I do not feel cut off.

People who have been abroad bring back new things or new slang, and get enormous pleasure from it. What is foreign is closer to them than what is their own. Living abroad, they correspond with their classmates…

Wherever I may be — abroad or at home — I feel equally connected with my friends and family. It turns out that the feeling of being cut off from one another that arises in us, and the low need for physical contact, are a consequence of the technological progress that has embraced the whole world. But this phenomenon comes together with a peculiar crisis. We begin to understand that the possibility of secluding oneself in one's "shell" and interacting with the world through the Internet is very attractive: I do not need anyone beside me; when I correspond with someone, it makes no difference to me whether he is near me or far away. But this is only one side of the coin. If the isolation we so seek made us happier, we would continue moving in this direction. But Nature strikes a blow from the other side, saying: your state of being without connection to one another will be very dangerous. Human society will not be able to provide itself with the most essential things. Hatred, disconnection, the global crisis, including ecology and climate, will reach such a level that you will not be able to continue your existence. It turns out that, on the one hand, our egoism and the development of technology allow each of us to exist autonomously, feeling comfortable without any connection to other people. On the other hand, Nature does not agree with this. Therefore, we are in a transitional state between two degrees: we are completing our development at the previous stage and must rise to the next level.

By the word "we" do you mean all of humanity?

Of course.

In other words, the transition you are speaking of is a kind of maturing of humanity?

Yes. And it is precisely today's teenagers who will accomplish this ascent.

Despite the fact that today they express their complete disdain for all social institutions and do not want to take part in them? — Suffering and blows will oblige them to seek connection.

What kind of suffering — internal or external?

Both.

You spoke about social networks and about how they stimulate people to participate in them. Today a great many studies are being published in this field. For instance, it is said that the more often a person updates his profile on a social network, the more inclined he is to self-admiration: a clear connection has been established between the degree of involvement in the network and the degree of a person's egoism. It turns out that, on the one hand, a social network is a means of uniting people…

A "supposed" uniting.

And on the other hand it directs a person toward himself, stimulates narcissism. Let us watch a clip in which teenagers talk about Facebook.

"Host: You speak of Facebook as something superficial: I meet a girl because she has a nice photo, or I update my status: 'I left the house.' Is this what Facebook is, or are there other ways to use its possibilities?

N.: Facebook is very accessible. I can always know what is happening. Suppose friends have decided to go to the park, and I find out all the details through Facebook — the time of the event, the place…

L.: It has reached the point where friends come back from a party, everyone has a terrible hangover, and they write about whose head hurts and how. They live on Facebook and can't do without it. People put their lives on display in it: I want to eat, I want to drink, I went out, I came back, I'm going to sleep…

Host: We see that on Facebook there is a certain tendency to make one's photos, one's life, one's family public, to demonstrate who is doing what at the current moment. Anyone can log on and see my life laid bare. Why is it so important to us to turn other people into witnesses of every event of our life? There is something of peeping through a keyhole in this…

M.: My friend deleted her Facebook page because she caught herself spending whole days updating her status and waiting for a "Like" reaction. If no one clicked "Like," she felt dissatisfied with herself, and if there were many responses, she felt good. I think this is the reason we post photos and put our lives on display: we want people's reaction. Through it we determine whether we are worth anything in the eyes of those around us.

Host: In other words, Facebook gives me a sense of my own existence.

N.: I think that through Facebook you can understand what society dictates to us. You will never post photos on Facebook in which you look bad, you will never write anything bad about yourself. As a result of these efforts, you are not at all real on Facebook. And all because we were told that on Facebook everything must look its very best."

That was an excerpt from a talk I held with teenagers. It was very interesting, because these kids are special: they are able to look at themselves and at their actions from the side. At the same time, all of them, with rare exceptions, are registered on Facebook, live by its rules, and feel a need for it.

Is it a kind of shared daily journal?

Yes. A person wants everyone to know what is happening with him. Mostly this happens through photos and correspondence. But this "diary" commits one to nothing: you can write whatever you like.

Anyone can say what he wants, and it is accessible to everyone? Essentially, people use Facebook to raise their self-esteem: if they support me, if they connect to me, then I am all right.

But this tendency leads to extremes. There was a case where teenagers committed suicide because no one clicked "Like" on their status on Facebook.

They live according to their importance on Facebook?

Literally so. The question is: how do we get closer to modern teenagers who live in this way, and change something in them, instill the values we want to give them? Where do we begin?

First of all, it is impossible to begin halfway: to suddenly approach 13- and 14-year-old teenagers and start talking with them. From what age is a child considered a teenager?

From 12–13 years old.

If you want to know my opinion, then at 12–13 a person is already an adult, not a teenager.

Is it already too late?

He is a teenager much earlier: from 9 to 12–13 years old.

What do you mean?

I mean that until the age of 12–13 something can still be changed in a child, and afterward it is practically impossible. Besides, what do we give in return? We must create a system that would answer the needs of teenagers but be based on other values.

Should the system be new, or can we use the one that exists now?

We can use the one that exists; I am not familiar with it.

Teenagers are incorporated into it.

Good. Probably we can wedge ourselves into it and begin, cunningly and cleverly, to change it in such a way that the teenagers do not recognize it and do not grow distant from us. We should act gradually, through people who are popular among the youth, various celebrities. Their role in the process should be one of upbringing, literally for the sake of "saving souls." Let them communicate with the children, correspond, explain, take part in forums. And then it will become clear that they have higher values than these teenagers. In this way it will be possible to "lift" these children, to occupy them with something else, to organize interest groups. On Facebook is there such a division, or is everything mixed together?

Everything is mixed together.

That is, without any meaning?

Everyone has a personal profile. If someone requests to be my friend, I add him, and we can correspond, look at each other's photos.

Does this lead to physical interaction too?

As a rule, no.

Most often it replaces direct communication. To the point that a boy and a girl can break up simply by writing a message. In our talk one teenager said: instead of calling and spending an hour on a phone conversation, you can simply write that you're fed up with them, and that's it.

And feel protected while doing so?

Yes. However, this procedure is painful. Many parents are bewildered as to where the warmth, the cordiality, the inner connection in children have disappeared to. The result is exactly the opposite.

I do not think that anyone is looking for warmth and cordiality on Facebook. This communication looks superficial and external, though teenagers would not agree with me.

It is enough for them.

That is just the point: everything is only external. If it's a photo, then only a beautiful one; if words, then pleasant ones. And if I want to say something unpleasant, Facebook considerably eases the task for me. Everything supposedly happens on the outside. On the other hand, the warmest words are exchanged completely freely.

Given that such communication is the reality of today's teenagers, what additional element could be added to meetings such as the ones I had, say, with the youth, in order to say: "Friends! Let's do something different"?

We are dealing with a positive phenomenon — I would even say a rare one. It is pleasant to hear that Facebook is becoming more and more popular.

By numbers, Facebook ranks second in the world after China.

A world within the world.

It means that there is a connection between people — an artificial one, a bad one, beneath all criticism, but a connection. And in accordance with their nature — the egoism developing in them — these young people feel that this is the correct form of uniting people in our time. They do not want to meet in person: I have my own "cell" at home, at work, and this is how I live. I buy groceries at the supermarket and return home. I have a refrigerator, an air conditioner, a washing machine — everything I need. Food from the supermarket is almost ready to eat — I am perfectly fine. And if my nature demands that I communicate with other people, then I do so through Facebook.

"Instant connection"?

It does not matter. That is how you think of it, but for them it is a normal connection, and no more than that is required. To such a degree that a boy and a girl for the most part get acquainted through correspondence, and then sometimes meet. You see how much the demands of a person's egoistic desire take on a different direction in the new generation?! The demand for warmth and embraces takes on a different form: in most cases people can satisfy each other's needs through communication on the Internet. This calms and fulfills them. There is nothing to be done about it. I see it even in myself: when I call my mother, who lives in Canada, a short conversation is enough for me. There is no longer that pull, which there used to be, to be nearby. Today, apparently, we are moving toward a different kind of closeness: electronic connection shortens and abolishes distance.

There is a breath of life in it.

True. Although I cannot look at Facebook through the eyes of the youth, I must agree with this fact. Therefore, we need to think about how, together with this new network, to move toward the goal of Nature. The correct use of Facebook will undoubtedly lead us to great success. In its development I see a powerful means of dissemination.

In the course of the talk with the teenagers it became clear that even while being connected through Facebook, they acutely feel emptiness. They themselves say that this connection is not real, that it is superficial, that something is missing in it.

That is precisely where there is an opportunity to intervene and fill this feeling of emptiness. There is no choice — this network exists, and teenagers want to be connected in exactly this way. At the same time, they feel that it needs to be filled with something more emotional, burning, alive.

That is exactly my question. What can we add so that teenagers feel this connection to be true, exactly the kind they want?

I would toss teenagers — as one throws a match into a haystack — the most "burning" topics for discussion, in order to "fire them up." I would take ten or fifteen people from different fields, with different views and approaches, possessing different characters, so that they would be "instigators" and "provocateurs" in the network, raising various questions even in a somewhat rough and sharp form. These do not necessarily have to be lofty topics; one can talk about the most ordinary things. In this way I would rouse the teenagers and draw them into discussions on topics concerning the possibility of coming to an agreement with one another and uniting. Let them argue and communicate as they are used to, but on topics close to the desired content. In this way we will be able to bring them up, in order to lead them to a good, higher state.

What topics exactly?

Topics about the meaning of life, about the causes of what is happening in the world. Why does everything happen this way? Why do you love one person and not another? Why do people treat you differently than you want? Here there is psychology, and ecology, and other things. You can even turn the teenagers against the adults.

That will not require much effort!

But it is essential that the criticism be constructive.

Criticism of adults is very strongly expressed among teenagers, which cannot be said about the capacity to search for the cause. This is precisely what needs to be awakened in them — the awareness that phenomena have a multitude of causes at the most varied levels. Often teenagers attach significance only to what they see, criticizing and rejecting everything indiscriminately. They can explain why they do not want this or that, but as for saying what they do want, how to achieve it differently, pointing to the causes — for that they are not ready.

There is something to work on here. I, of course, am not suited for this task, but I feel how important it is to study the Facebook network and to sense it to one degree or another through people for whom it is a part of life.

To make them the very driving force?

Yes.

I would like to understand the image of today's teenagers: whom are we dealing with? As I understood, in connecting with one another they have reached the point where not much is required. It is enough that I write someone a couple of words; that suits me, and anything more is already a real connection, a more inner one. Is this the conclusion to which teenagers must be led?

Yes. We see this also through the development of technology. Everything is heading toward the different parts of the world being connected through the Internet without restrictions, through writing and speech. Simultaneous translation will also be used. We will feel connected together, but what does that give us?

Do you consider such development desirable?

Of course. It only remains to fill this connection with content. And here I believe that the teenagers you work with need to be taught to use their skills on Facebook and other networks. They must be able to bring all of humanity closer to a good mutual connection.

What do the teenagers gain from this? Why would they do it?

What do you mean, why? They will be leading the integral development of the world! This is, after all, the greatest egoistic desire. They will want it, and how. Suddenly millions will follow after them.

You said that in the period from 13 to 20 years old it is already too late to bring them up. A teenager will hear this and say: that's it, this is who I am, and nothing more can be done with me.

No, no, "nothing can be done" does not mean that we should not work with them. But if we want to change people, then we need to do it much earlier — preferably from the very moment of birth, from age 2–4. That is, not to put it off until adolescence — that would be very hard. But since the Facebook network is very accessible and close to teenagers, I think they will manage. We will work together.

It is time to sum up. Communication on Facebook is a transitional stage. If we fill it with content, then we will be able to reach the next, deeper level, to feel a real inner connection. For this purpose we can enlist those teenagers who already strive for something higher. In the following programs we will continue this theme.