The Group

When I talk with teenagers, I often hear them complain that they are not understood.

Do they feel this?

They feel it, and very strongly. The lack of understanding from adults arouses anger in them and distances them from their parents at a very early age and for many years. As it accumulates, this process leads to rebellion and to breaking away from the family. It is expressed in the desire of young people to go as far away as possible and for a long time. This period stretches out, and the prolonged absence turns into a process. And it does not matter what they do during their travels, where they work or in what capacity. Over the years, even after acquiring a prestigious profession, they miss those times and try to repeat them. This constant searching testifies to the fact that they are looking for something else.

It is very painful to watch them.

Well, I understand them. To tell the truth, I insisted that my son travel the world in his youth. I bought him a student travel pass for Europe, and he visited more than 20 countries. Then I sent him to the Far East. And all of this was so that, upon returning, he would feel that he had filled himself. And that is how it turned out. When he came back, he said: "Enough. I don't want any more."

But they stay there, work, develop — they don't come back.

Clearly, the question is precisely whether you are offered the chance to go or whether you run away on your own. In any case, we have to admit that such a phenomenon exists and, like all other phenomena in the world, is awakened by the changes in our nature. Unlike animals, man develops: he needs to come to know the world, to feel other people. This need prepares the future corrections that we must go through. Ultimately, an ascent awaits us. So I see these things as positive. The question is how to pass through them, developing faster, so as not to draw blows upon ourselves and to understand where the general tendency is leading. It is said: "The wise man sees the future." That is, we are obligated to understand the goal of the development that Nature has laid upon us: what it is inviting us toward. And also to understand our actions in relation to Nature. Perhaps we do not understand it correctly right now, and therefore we harm ourselves either in the present or in the future.

So what do they need?

They don't need anything. We cannot make demands of them. Ultimately, they are realizing their inner impulses, which Nature develops within them. But we, the adults, must help them and ourselves to reveal the goal set by Nature, toward which it is leading us. Nature has a program, and nothing in the world happens outside of it. Looking at history — in hindsight we are always wiser — we see that Nature develops humanity by intensifying egoism. That is how we passed through all the stages of development, each of which was necessary and brought its own achievements. Clearly, we could not have developed otherwise.

But doesn't greater egoism need a family, children, work?

I don't know, but I see that it doesn't. Why should I compel him? After all, I was brought up, and I arranged my life according to my egoism, my desires and impulses: I started a family, acquired a profession, got a job — everything is stable and secure. In this I make progress: I buy a new armchair, a car, I expand my apartment. For me that is called progress, but for them progress is something else, and it is impossible to obligate them to anything. They are ready to live in a single room; they need the Internet and a refrigerator — nothing more. Everything else is available at the supermarket. If this is the general tendency, then we must relate to life accordingly. We must go together with them. This does not at all mean being like them, but simply seeing where this tendency is leading. Perhaps, if we study it, we will understand them, and they will not be upset that they are not understood. Let us at least want to understand what is happening to them! After all, we should see in them the most advanced part of general Nature. Why say that if they are not like us, then it is bad?! On the contrary!

Being like us, considering everything we have built, is not so wonderful.

Indeed, it is very difficult to understand what is happening with a teenager. Only recently he was more attached to his parents than to his friends. And now everything has changed, and he no longer wants to be connected to them.

Why does the break with the parents suddenly arise?

Because the parents do not understand him, do not want to and do not try to understand him. They do not justify him.

This is really very important.

First of all, they must justify him, because in the new generation Nature is manifesting, and Nature is always right. This fact must be accepted, as they say, above reason.

That is, parents usually complain about the teenager, and you say that, no matter what, he should be justified?

What complaints can there be? Can one go against Nature? That is simply foolishness. Everything that is in them, I must accept as suited to them. This is a new form of life, one that is unfamiliar to us. But if we want to help our children, the new generation, then we must be with them and try to support them in the forms that are manifesting within them. Perhaps together with them we will be able to see the next stage. This concerns every parent.

Your words have struck me. During the period of coming of age, teenagers are characterized by an impulse to break their ties with the family and to seek something of their own. This is called searching for oneself. And you are saying that if parents were more developed, children would not break away from them. After all, young people want to grow and develop, and this would strengthen their connection with their parents. From my own experience I know that young people look for someone wise and experienced to learn from. It is precisely this searching that leaves them lonely within their immediate environment.

True, but I hope that we will expand this circle.

Should this connection be with those adults who are more advanced, or can it be with peers, so that instead of fleeing to India they unite with them?

That depends on our ability to form an environment, to build camps, to create groups in different countries. Then we will be able to send our kids to our groups in America, in Russia, in the countries of Europe, to spend some time there. If such opportunities exist, why send them to India or other places?

We do not wait for them to run away; we are ready to send them ourselves. And always to send them as a group, not alone?

Yes, one group hosts another group, and together they enjoy themselves and travel.

Let us talk about the group as a model. What is the significance of the group in the process of young people's stable self-determination?

We study that the group comes first. A person needs society; he cannot exist alone. The environment determines everything for him and gives him examples. Without examples we do not know what to do. We are material that constantly grows in its demands: "I want more!" — "What do you want?" — "I don't know." In order to know what I want, I have to look at other people. And then I will see examples of what they want, how they seek and attain what they desire. And then, in accordance with my own character, I choose which picture, form, or state I want to arrive at. A correlation takes place between my inner qualities and the outer forms before me. And then I choose one environment or another. Having made the choice, I receive all the values from there, and they become the most important thing for me. I want to attain them and to grow in this society, in order to gain honor, respect, and even to arouse envy within it.

If we speak about the group practically, then when young people gather, they do not yet feel themselves to be a group. There is not yet a heartfelt connection between them. Where does one begin? What are the first steps in turning ordinary friendly relations into a group?

Do you take them as having gathered by chance?

They know one another, but they do not feel themselves to be a group — they were simply invited. How do we unite them? Set a goal before them? Tell them how good it is to be in a group?

The first step is not to close them in on one another. It is best to go on a hike, an excursion, to a museum, to a stadium, so that they feel themselves to be a group in relation to an external factor. That comes first. They should not sit and discuss something, no. First, with the help of an external factor — a picnic or a trip — a connection should form between them, a group impression should arise: "we" in relation to nature or to other people. Then it is very useful to create something together.

A common project?

Yes.

Say, the academic building where they study needs renovation.

Excellent! Tell them that as a result they will get a prize!

Or together they could prepare a television program.

In short, they must see a common goal, do common work, and apply a common effort — as in the army or other collectives. Such things are used often. In this way you form them as a group. And once a certain connection has already been established between them, then the time comes to test this connection: why and for what purpose are we uniting, who is present, what does each one expect from life, how does he view his friends, various habits, and so on. Gradually, a dependence on one another begins to build up, despite the divergences that appear. And then the work begins not merely on uniting, but on how much each one is included in the other. The joining becomes internal: not only to touch one another, but to mutually include one another.

That is, there is a transition from an external connection to an internal one?

Yes. To simply unite them into one whole, an external factor is needed, but for them to be included in one another, discussions within the group are already required. Discussions of films and plays are very useful. Let them visit a court, a hospital, a prison — such places evoke a sharp reaction to our life.

And what should be clarified in such discussions? What should come out of them?

You analyze the sharpest, most particular questions: life and death, whether it is worth living in one way or another. For them this is very important, for they are only just discovering the world, they are at the beginning of the path.

While revealing and discussing the external world, is it worth dwelling on the problems that concern them as a group: what is happening to us, what have we done, what do we want?

Both should be together. For sometimes it is not worth delving into oneself and engaging in self-flagellation; it is better to clarify the relationships among ourselves in relation to a third component. That is easier. Besides, there are other forms as well.

And what is the goal of the group? How do we define the goal for them: to prepare for life, to prepare them for life, to come to know life?

No. The goal of the group is this: if, as a result of clarification, we determine a certain higher value — it can be anything, for example, a famous soccer player or simply soccer — then this value becomes important for everyone. And each one receives an aspiration, a desire, an appreciation of the chosen phenomenon of the same magnitude, level, and force as the whole group has. In this way a person increases his desire and his force for attaining the goal. He receives from the group importance, force, power, the capacity for survival, in order to reach the goal. And this helps a person achieve success in life. Herein lies the enormous gain that we receive from the group. It is like a commando unit — each one acquires the force of all.

A great deal of force! — In history there have been many groups that set a common goal for themselves.

This is the main thing, for we do not want our children to worship a soccer ball or a famous soccer player! We want them to have a true, eternal value. Therefore the science of the higher laws of Nature must be an integral part of their discussions. Then, once they have perfected themselves, they can be formed into a team to work in the Internet's social networks.

This is, as it were, the next stage: after the discussions and clarifications, they go out into the world.

They go out into the world and begin to work. In the course of the discussions, they have learned various techniques and actions, and they have accumulated experience in the field of psychology. They know how to approach and what to do in order to be a strong group — to such a degree that they can turn anyone they meet in the network into a friend, unobtrusively, easily, and quickly. In this they can compete: who does it better? How do we manage it together? The possibilities here are unlimited, but the main thing is to hold onto the higher goal. In this way we teach them to investigate themselves, the method, the height of the value with which they are occupied, and also to be able to convey it to other people.

For a teenager, to gather up his qualities and inclinations and use them for good — that is simply wonderful!

Of course. There is no greater satisfaction than the one you attain by bestowing upon other people, when they agree with you and begin to join in. After all, we said that young people want respect and honor — and that is exactly what they receive. Therefore the creation of groups that will then work on social networks is both a serious task, and a goal, and an elevated work.

You are opening a new and fairly extensive topic. Work in the group will need to be discussed separately. All the forms must be analyzed, and each has its place, but the main goal is achieved through discussions. Whereas the form of frontal teaching, when the teacher stands at the board and explains, is completely unacceptable for teenagers.

Even study courses in which the foundations of the new world are studied?

Study courses are not suitable for young people; that is dry academic learning.

But they are interested in knowledge!

True. But knowledge, especially among the young generation, is assimilated only on the condition that it passes through discussion and personal inner experience.

But they do not like long discussions.

It does not matter — otherwise the knowledge is not assimilated. A verbal explanation will be grasped by only one in twenty, and whether there will be any who remember it and are able to use it is unknown. But in the process of discussions we chew the phenomenon over so thoroughly that it becomes common to everyone: they all know how to work with it and what is happening.

Even if part of the group does not take part in the discussion?

No, everyone is obligated to participate, and the group will obligate them.

We spoke about four stages: the first — uniting in relation to an external factor; the second — a common project. How, at this stage — even before they are internally connected — do we develop in the young people a sense of responsibility for the common cause? Usually in a group there are a few people who do everything, while the rest hide behind them.

Any group is structured like a pyramid: some do, others think, others know, still others help — each occupies his own place. The main thing is to give everyone the opportunity to participate, and the position does not matter.

But what will teach them to be responsible for their work?

The importance of the environment.

Of the whole group?

Yes.

Even if this is done artificially?

Of course, everything is done artificially, until they see that everything they have is artificial. This artificiality they must build themselves, in order to rise from it to a serious level.

That is, they understand that their nature needs artificiality, and therefore with its help they work on themselves?

True.

Should the young people understand the stages they are passing through?

Absolutely all of them! They must be psychologists for themselves, in order to work on themselves with the help of the group: "I know that I am egoistic matter, thinking only of myself. But I have a group, with the help of which I can change myself. Then I will be great and magnificent!"

To look closely at what is happening.

That is why each one must value the group, for his future state depends on it.

Should the group itself determine the next steps of its development?

Together with the educator!

On this we will stop. Today was a very productive conversation. We discussed several important principles of the method of upbringing and the practical steps for creating and developing a group. The educational system has led young people into a dead end — they are not understood. We spoke about a joint adventure in relation to an external factor, which unites them, then — a joint project. The third step is clarifying the internal connection among themselves, the ability to observe oneself from the outside, to be one's own psychologist. At a more advanced stage comes an understanding of the goal of the group, and work with the external world begins. That is, after they have come to know themselves and their nature, have learned to be their own psychologists, and know the desires and thoughts of all young people, they begin to act in social networks, in order to draw their peers into the process they themselves have gone through.